Journal Entry: Sun Mar 11, 2012, 7:13 PM
I'm sorry this is a wall of text, but if you have time, please read it.
I am admittedly awkward with social situations. I sometimes say things without thinking, othertimes I say nothing at all and leave someone feeling ignored. I spent a good deal of my life metally ill without treatment. I grew up in a broken home and spent a good deal of my time alone. I did not like other kids and found myself often outcast from playground activities. In the recent years I've started therapy and a medication regiment. It was a real shock when I first took the medication. Among other positive effects, I was suddenly able to empathize with people. It was really difficult acclimating to this, because I had no real idea how to deal with it. I started bottling everything up. I still do this. It's unhealthy. I'm seeing a new psychologist and with his help I hope to work on expressing myself better. I don't need sympathy, I'm just trying to level with you.
I've been trying to socialize more both in real life and online. Baby steps. I think my biggest problem right now is that I constantly feel left out. I feel like what I have to say isn't considered important or I'm just not interesting enough to listen to. Then I become nervous and become quiet and distant. This, of course, often leads to me actually ignored completely. Even now I'm really nervous about posting this journal. I feel isignificant. I don't know how to change this yet, but I'm trying.
Thanks for taking the time to read this, it means a lot to me.