I'm sorry this is a wall of text, but if you have time, please read it.
I am admittedly awkward with social situations. I sometimes say things without thinking, othertimes I say nothing at all and leave someone feeling ignored. I spent a good deal of my life metally ill without treatment. I grew up in a broken home and spent a good deal of my time alone. I did not like other kids and found myself often outcast from playground activities. In the recent years I've started therapy and a medication regiment. It was a real shock when I first took the medication. Among other positive effects, I was suddenly able to empathize with people. It was really difficult acclimating to this, because I had no real idea how to deal with it. I started bottling everything up. I still do this. It's unhealthy. I'm seeing a new psychologist and with his help I hope to work on expressing myself better. I don't need sympathy, I'm just trying to level with you.
I've been trying to socialize more both in real life and online. Baby steps. I think my biggest problem right now is that I constantly feel left out. I feel like what I have to say isn't considered important or I'm just not interesting enough to listen to. Then I become nervous and become quiet and distant. This, of course, often leads to me actually ignored completely. Even now I'm really nervous about posting this journal. I feel isignificant. I don't know how to change this yet, but I'm trying.
Thanks for taking the time to read this, it means a lot to me.
I don't normally comment on journal's especially not one's I read kind of out of blue but for this one I'll make an exception. I read this and it sounded really famliar. I've been there and I would like to tell you to keep working on it. Knowing you need to work on it and putting in that effort will help greatly and it will help you feel better about yourself as well. There will still always be bad days, but as you go they become fewer and fewer. I just wanted to tell you more then anything to stick with it...the benefits are worth the effort I promise. You can do it.